We’ve all
been there — accidentally alienated a new coworker with a bad joke,
underwhelmed the new boss by botching our first assignment, or had a client we
didn’t just click with. The trouble is that initial impressions are hard to
shake.
In a
psychological phenomenon known as the “fundamental attribution error,” humans
are quick to “essentialize” the behaviors of others. You might have simply been
having a bad day, or you might have been off your game because of a recent
breakup or death in the family, but your new colleague isn’t likely to extend
that generous of an explanation. Instead, they’re far more likely to assume
that your subpar performance is an essential trait — making it extremely
challenging to overcome their negative perception. But, as I discuss in my book
Reinventing You, it’s not impossible to change how others view you. Here are
four ways you can begin to overturn their entrenched beliefs.
Surprise
them. The reason people don’t often change their initial impressions is that
our brain is optimized to conserve energy; if there’s not a compelling reason
to re-evaluate something, then we won’t. So you need to manufacture a reason by
surprising them. Your colleagues may have built up a certain, inaccurate
impression of you — that you’re not leadership material because you’re too
mousy and quiet, for instance.
You can’t
expect to overturn that thinking with subtle gestures. You need a bolder
strategy to force them to re-evaluate what they thought they knew about you. If
you’ve developed a reputation for being quiet and never speaking up, it won’t
suffice to talk once in a meeting. Instead, make a point of being the first
person to speak, and making multiple comments. If your colleagues have to ask
themselves, “What got into him?” then you’re on the right track in beginning to
change their views.
Overcompensate
over time. A forceful change in behavior may get your colleagues to take
notice. But if you only do it once, they can write it off as an aberration: He
must have had too much coffee that morning. Instead, keep up your new behavior
over time, and recognize that in order to change perceptions, you’ll need to do
it far longer than the original behavior for which you were pigeonholed.
As Heidi
Grant Halvorson, the author of Nobody Understands You and What to Do About It,
told me in an interview,it’s essential to “bombard them with a lot of evidence
to suggest that their first impression of you was wrong. It can’t be subtle.”
For instance, if you have a reputation for tardiness at work, “What you have to
do is be early and be early for weeks. You need to make the evidence that
you’ve changed, or that you’re not who they think you are, abundant and
eye-catching. If you just keep that up for a while, eventually people will
change their opinion of you.”
Get closer
to them. If you’ve started out on the wrong foot with a colleague, it can be
tempting to avoid the problem by staying away from them. But keeping a distance
is likely to exacerbate the problem, because — since they’re not receiving any
new inputs about who you are — it will only reinforce their existing
perceptions. Instead, force yourself out of your comfort zone and find ways to
get to know them better. Ben Michaelis, a psychologist and the author of Your
Next Big Thing, says that when it comes to changing perceptions, “Don’t use
words; use actions. Once people have a point of view, the best way to shift it
is through mounting behavioral evidence rather than just half-hearted
niceties.”
Years ago,
an employee of mine used this strategy to good effect. My initial impression of
Matthew was that he was a bit lazy and distractible at work. Realizing that I
was increasingly unimpressed with him, he made an ingenious move. He suggested
that we get to know each other better by going to a rock climbing gym — an
activity at which he was very experienced, and I was a novice. I was literally
dependent on Matthew’s expertise as his climbing partner, and seeing his
competence and mastery showed me a different side of what he was capable of.
Wait it
out. Finally, sometimes the bad impression your colleagues may have formed has
literally nothing to do with you. Nearly a decade ago, I met a woman at a
conference. Today, we’re close friends and see each other regularly, and have
collaborated on several projects together. But, she revealed to me several
years after we first met, she hadn’t actually liked me at first. A slightly
cynical New Yorker, she thought I seemed “too positive” — and therefore
somewhat fake. It was only after knowing me for several years that she
determined it wasn’t a façade; that’s actually how I was. “It was my own
baggage,” she told me. There was nothing I specific I had done to make her
think I was fake; she had projected her past experiences onto me. If you’re patient
and continue to act in ways you’re proud of, most people will eventually come
around.
It’s
frustrating and unfair when we feel misunderstood. But while initial
impressions tend to stick, they can — with time, effort, and strategy — be
changed, so that your true talents can be appreciated.
Dorie Clark
is a marketing strategist and professional speaker who teaches at Duke
University’s Fuqua School of Business. She is the author of Reinventing You and
Stand Out. You can receive her free Stand Out Self-Assessment Workbook.
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